Climbing out of the dark
June 14, 2022|My journey
6/14/22 Super Strawberry Full moon energy is here. I am grieving and in deep depression with full panic attacks. I am miserable. I feel completely broken and defective. Annie was killed by a rattlesnake one month ago. I am seeing a psychotherapist weekly. Not feeling like It’s helping much. We adopted a precious little pup 4 days ago. I named her Luna because I woke up in the middle of the first night she was here and the moon was shining into my bedroom. Luna is precious. I’m still grieving Annie. I feel like I’M losing my mind. I’m in a deep depression and I can’t seem to find my way out. I have to allow myself time to get through the grief but I get so impatient and I get angry that I’m crying all the time and still having panic attacks. I still replay the horrible trauma of the night we lost Annie over and over. I know this is not what I should allow but I honestly feel like I have no control over it. I am being very impatient and very hard on myself . I just talked to the most amazing woman in the world, by best friend Demy and she helped me so much. She also gave me a writing assignment. So here it goes:Demy said to write about what I want to feel in my life. Then look up definition of Victim and definition of survivor.Victim: someone or something that has been hurt, damaged, or killed or has suffered, either because of the actions of someone or something else, or because of illness or chance.Survivor : A person who continues to live, especially despite being nearly killed or experiencing danger or difficulty. A person who is able to continue living his or her life successfully despite experiencing difficulties.I want to feel happy and peaceful in my life. I want to feel inspired and creative. I want to feel worthy of selflove. I want to feel interest and excitement about what each day brings. I want to feel healthy and strong. I want to know my foundation is super sturdy and solid. I want to feel connection to spirit, source, love and light. I want to be courageous and bold. I want to feel safe. I want to feel safe. I want to feel safe. I want to live each day knowing that everything is going to be alright. I want to enjoy all my loved ones without worry and anxiety about their safety and health. I want to be joyful, peaceful and HIGH VIBRATIONAL. I want to live a live of helping and healing those in need without it overwhelming me. I want to be worry free. I want to be happy, joyful, carefree, creative, enlightened, healed, inspired, loved. I want to dance and laugh and sing. I want to spend time with my dogs, horses and family and friends and feel truly joyful about it. And so I set this as my intention. I will feel the way I described above. AND SO IT IS
By Shelley Devine
